Jokes

Message Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic Printable Version Translate Topic

A  woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she
 laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and 
listened to the bird's chest.

After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away."

The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.

"How can you be so sure?" she

protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."

The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a 
few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner 
looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front 
paws on the examination table and sniffed the
 duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and
 shook his head.

The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few 
minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and 
also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on 
its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and

strolled out of the room.

The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."

The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.

The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!"

The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the 
bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and then Cat Scan, 
it's now $150."

Author	Message Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic Printable Version Translate Topic
acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(1) Quote Reply Posted: 12 Oct 2025 at 12:19am
	A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and then Cat Scan, it's now $150."
	animals before people.

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 14 Oct 2025 at 1:25am
	An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of. He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head. He then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour. This continued off and on for several weeks. Curious I pinned a note to his collar: 'I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful sweet dog is and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.'...! The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar ... 'HE LIVES IN MY HOME, WITH MY NON-STOP CHATTING AND NAGGING WIFE. HE'S TRYING TO CATCH UP ON HIS SLEEP .. CAN I COME WITH HIM TOMORROW ....???'
	animals before people.

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(1) Quote Reply Posted: 15 Oct 2025 at 2:54pm
	Yeah I know. Before you say it. Racist . But true. There are two beggars in Manchester, Ali and Habib. They beg in different areas of Manchester. Habib begs just as long as Ali does, but only collects £2 to £3 every day. Ali brings home a suitcase FULL of £10 notes, drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house and has a lot of money to spend. Habib asks Ali, 'I work just as long and hard as you do but how is it that you bring home a suitcase full of £10 notes every day?' Ali says, 'Look at your sign, what does it say'? Habib's sign reads 'I have no work, a wife and 6 kids to support'. Ali says ‘No wonder you only get £2- £3 Habib says 'So what does your sign say'? Ali shows Habib his sign. It reads, 'I only need another £10 to move back to Pakistan'.
	animals before people.

HarnessGuru Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 04 Jan 2020 Status: Offline Points: 3855	Post Options Post Reply Quote HarnessGuru Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 15 Oct 2025 at 4:00pm
	Omfg how good

Whale Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 01 Jun 2009 Location: Potts Point Status: Offline Points: 47321	Post Options Post Reply Quote Whale Report Post Thanks(1) Quote Reply Posted: 15 Oct 2025 at 5:26pm
	Our Joke of the Day An 86-year-old man was waiting in the Double Dutch Bar to have some drinks with an old mate. While he was waiting for his mate a gorgeous girl enters the bar and sits down a few seats away from where he was sitting. The girl is so attractive that the old guy just can’t take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices that he’s staring at her, and approaches him. Before the old guy even has time to apologize for his staring, the girl looks him deep in the eyes and says to him in a sultry tone, “I’ll do anything you’d like me to do. Whatever you can imagine in your wildest dreams, it doesn’t matter how unusual or extreme it might be, I’m game. I only want $100, and there’s one other condition.” Completely blown away by the sudden turn of events, the old guy asks her what that one condition is. Well she says; “You have to tell me exactly what you want me to do and you can only use three words to describe it.” The old man takes a few seconds and considers the offer from that gorgeous girl. He takes out his wallet and gives a $100 dollars to the girl. He then looks her straight in the eyes, and says slowly and clearly, “Paint my house.”
	Declaration of Independence, signed after The Civil War. Trump said so.

Second Chance Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Status: Offline Points: 56830	Post Options Post Reply Quote Second Chance Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 15 Oct 2025 at 5:55pm
	Sorry, a spectacularly unfunny joke from AA.

Whale Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 01 Jun 2009 Location: Potts Point Status: Offline Points: 47321	Post Options Post Reply Quote Whale Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 15 Oct 2025 at 7:11pm
	Some here liked it.
	Declaration of Independence, signed after The Civil War. Trump said so.

Whale Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 01 Jun 2009 Location: Potts Point Status: Offline Points: 47321	Post Options Post Reply Quote Whale Report Post Thanks(1) Quote Reply Posted: 16 Oct 2025 at 11:29am
	Something to offend everyone:
	Declaration of Independence, signed after The Civil War. Trump said so.

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(1) Quote Reply Posted: 16 Oct 2025 at 4:13pm
	A man is having a few drinks at a bar when he looks over and notices a drunk guy passed out at a table nearby. The bartender tells him the drunk is Mr. Murphy and asks the man if he could drive Mr. Murphy home. Being a good samaritan, the man agrees. The bartender writes down the address and gives it to him. The man walks over and tries to wake Mr. Murphy but Mr. Murphy is groggy and quite drunk. The man helps Mr. Murphy to his feet and Mr. Murphy falls to the floor in a heap. "Jeez," the man says wondering how anyone could drink so much. He takes Murphy by the arm and practically drags him out to the car. Once there he leans him against the side of his car while he looks for his keys. Mr. Murphy slides down to the ground. The man finds his keys and manages to get Murphy positioned in the car. He then drives to the address the bartender gave him. He opens the passenger door and helps Mr. Murphy out and the guy falls to the ground. Cursing softly, now, the man helps him to his feet and practically drags him to the front door. He lets go of Mr. Murphy to knock on the door and the guy falls down again. He helps him to his feet as Mrs. Murphy answers the door. "Hi, Mrs. Murphy, Your husband had a little too much to drink tonight so I gave him a ride home." "That was nice of you," she says, looking around, "But where's his wheelchair?"
	animals before people.

GAJ Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 13 Apr 2011 Location: Alstonville,NSW Status: Offline Points: 5184	Post Options Post Reply Quote GAJ Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 16 Oct 2025 at 5:49pm


acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23 Oct 2025 at 1:18pm
	The 6th-grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?” The room went silent. No one answered. Suddenly, Little Mary stood up and shouted, “You shouldn’t be asking sixth graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they’ll tell the principal, and you’ll get fired!” Mrs. Parks ignored her outburst and calmly repeated the question: “Which body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?” Mary huffed and whispered loudly to her classmates, “Oh, she’s so getting in trouble!” Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases to ten times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.” Mrs. Parks smiled. “Very good, Billy.” Then she turned to Mary and said, “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: You have a dirty mind. You clearly didn’t do your homework. And one day… you are going to be very, very disappointed.
	animals before people.

GAJ Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 13 Apr 2011 Location: Alstonville,NSW Status: Offline Points: 5184	Post Options Post Reply Quote GAJ Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23 Oct 2025 at 1:30pm


HarnessGuru Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 04 Jan 2020 Status: Offline Points: 3855	Post Options Post Reply Quote HarnessGuru Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 23 Oct 2025 at 4:29pm
	New study shows giving your girlfriend foot massages makes her love you 23% more. Unfortunately, it makes your wife love you 100% less.

Whale Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 01 Jun 2009 Location: Potts Point Status: Offline Points: 47321	Post Options Post Reply Quote Whale Report Post Thanks(1) Quote Reply Posted: 17 Nov 2025 at 11:17am
	https://www.facebook.com/reel/690485013721271
	Declaration of Independence, signed after The Civil War. Trump said so.

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(2) Quote Reply Posted: 05 Dec 2025 at 11:04am
	An Army Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to all the staff. While waiting for the coffee machine to finish its brewing, the Colonel decided to pose a question to all assembled. He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before, therefore he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep. He posed the question; “How much of the act of sex is work and how much is pure pleasure?” A Captain chimed in with a 75-25% in favour of work. A Lieutenant said it was probably about 50-50%. A Warrant Officer responded with a 25-75% in favor of pleasure, depending upon his state of inebriation at the time. There being no consensus, the Colonel turned to the Private who was in charge of making the coffee. What was HIS opinion? Without any hesitation, the young Private responded, “Sir, it has to be 100% Pleasure, Sir.” The Colonel was a little surprised and as you might guess, said “And why is that, Soldier?” “Well, Sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have me doing it for them, Sir.” The room fell silent……..
	animals before people.

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(3) Quote Reply Posted: 11 Dec 2025 at 10:50pm
	A woman from Sydney who was a tree hugging, vegetarian and anti-hunter purchased a piece of native bushland in northern NSW . There was a large gum tree on one of the highest points in her property. She wanted a good view of the natural splendor of her land so she started to climb the big gum. As she neared the top she encountered a koala that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the woman slid down the tree to the ground and got many splinters in her crotch. In considerable pain, she hurried to a local ER to see a doctor. She told him she was an environmentalist, vegetarian, and an anti-hunter and how she came to get all the splinters. The doctor listened to her story with great patience and then told her to go wait in the examining room and he would see if he could help her. She sat and waited three hours before the doctor re-appeared.The angry woman demanded, "What took you so long?" He smiled and then told her, "Well, I had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, Native Vegetation, Parks and Wildlife service, and the Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a 'recreational area' so close to a Waste Treatment Facility.” "And I'm sorry, they turned you down." Nothing like fresh vaggies aye Ponies ???
	animals before people.

brave_ponies Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 06 Sep 2013 Location: Sydney Status: Offline Points: 7666	Post Options Post Reply Quote brave_ponies Report Post Thanks(1) Quote Reply Posted: 13 Dec 2025 at 8:02pm
	You’re gonna get me in trouble, aa - but here’s the pic that goes with your joke (Apologies to anyone who’s offended but please don’t complain to the poor mods )

GAJ Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 13 Apr 2011 Location: Alstonville,NSW Status: Offline Points: 5184	Post Options Post Reply Quote GAJ Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 13 Dec 2025 at 8:58pm
	skewered apparently!

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(1) Quote Reply Posted: 16 Dec 2025 at 7:03pm
	A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?" The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony." The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable." The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, romantic, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for...a good man." The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see that map again."
	animals before people.

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(1) Quote Reply Posted: 17 Dec 2025 at 9:13pm
	A man walked into the vegetable section of his local supermarket and asked for half a head of lettuce. The boy working there told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. The man was insistent that the boy asked his manager about the matter. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some lollipop wants to buy a half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. Later, the manager found the boy and said, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from son?" "Originally from Essex sir," the boy replied. "Why did you leave Essex?" the manager asked. The boy answered, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and footballers there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Essex." "No gelati!" the boy replied. "Who does she play for?
	animals before people.

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 Dec 2025 at 4:42pm
	A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.' He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.' Startled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. 'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot. 'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.' The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?' 'Moses,' replied the bird. 'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?' 'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
	animals before people.

Freefall Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 04 Dec 2013 Status: Offline Points: 8410	Post Options Post Reply Quote Freefall Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 Dec 2025 at 6:24pm
	😂😂 You’ve got some good ones AA. It’d be good to meet you one day…ah, sorry, my short term memory is a bit shot after a night with SC 👍

stayer Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 10 Aug 2010 Status: Offline Points: 28339	Post Options Post Reply Quote stayer Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 18 Dec 2025 at 6:39pm
	What's the difference between the Moscow Trapeze Brothers and the Swedish Ballet Company? The Trapeze Brothers are famous for their cunning stunts. What's the difference between a baby and a Catholic Boys Choir director? A baby sucks its fingers. (Sorry Furious. )

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(1) Quote Reply Posted: 27 Dec 2025 at 1:31pm
	A tough old general heard about a unit with the roughest soldiers in the army so he decided to pay them a visit. After inspecting the troops on parade, he marched straight over to the medical tent. He stopped in front of the first soldier and barked: “Why are you here, soldier?” “Hemorrhoids, sir!” “And how are you treating that?” “Wire brush and disinfectant, sir!” “And what’s your goal in life?” “To kill the enemy, sir!” The general nodded, clearly impressed. He moved on to the next soldier. “Why are you here?” “Genital warts, sir!” “And how are you treating that?” “Wire brush and disinfectant, sir!” “And your goal in life?” “To kill the enemy, sir!” The general’s eyebrows went up. These men were tough. Finally, he stopped in front of the last soldier. “And why are you here, soldier?” “Gum disease, sir!” “And how are you treating it?” “Wire brush and disinfectant, sir!” The general paused. “And what’s your goal in life?” The soldier snapped to attention and said: “To beat those other two to the wire brush, sir!”
	animals before people.

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(1) Quote Reply Posted: 27 Dec 2025 at 1:35pm
	1. My mother taught me - TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning" 2. My mother taught me RELIGION . "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." 3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL . "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" 4. My father taught me LOGIC . " Because I said so, that's why ." 5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . "If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me." 6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT . "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My father taught me IRONY . "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." Mum said the same thing. 8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS . "Shut your mouth and eat your supper." 9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM . "Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
	animals before people.

Freefall Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 04 Dec 2013 Status: Offline Points: 8410	Post Options Post Reply Quote Freefall Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 27 Dec 2025 at 5:55pm
	Yes AA, we could have been cousins 😀 My mother taught me FORESIGHT . "Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident." 7. My father taught me IRONY . "Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about." Mum said the same thing.

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 Dec 2025 at 3:09pm
	Oh yes !! The clean undies was the catch cry every time I left the house.
	animals before people.

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 Dec 2025 at 3:10pm
	Some more to relate to FF> 10. My mother taught me about STAMINA "You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone." 11. My mother taught me about WEATHER . "This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it." 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY "If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!" 13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." 14. My mother taught me about - BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION. 15. My mother taught me about ENVY . "There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do." 16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION . "Just wait until we get home." 17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING . "You are going to get it from your father when you get home!" 18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE "If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way." Or they’ll stay like that if the wind changes. 19. My mother taught me ESP . "Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?" 20. My father taught me HUMOUR . "When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
	animals before people.

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 28 Dec 2025 at 3:12pm
	21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT . "If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up." 22. My mother taught me GENETICS . "You're just like your father." 23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS "Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a tent?" 24. My mother taught me WISDOM . "When you get to be my age, you'll understand. 25. My father taught me about JUSTICE . "One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!”
	animals before people.

acacia alba Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 46758	Post Options Post Reply Quote acacia alba Report Post Thanks(0) Quote Reply Posted: 02 Jan 2026 at 9:05pm
	While walking down the street one afternoon, a politician is suddenly struck by a delivery truck and passes away. His soul arrives at the pearly gates, where St. Peter greets him with a clipboard and a polite smile. “Welcome,” says St. Peter, “but we don’t get many politicians up here, so we’re not quite sure where to place you.” “That’s easy,” the man replies. “Heaven, of course.” “I’d love to,” says St. Peter, “but the rules say you must spend one day in heaven and one day in hell before deciding.” The politician sighs but agrees, and St. Peter escorts him into an elevator headed down. The doors open to reveal a beautiful golf course with a grand clubhouse in the distance. Standing outside are his old colleagues and friends, dressed smartly, laughing and welcoming him like a hero. They play golf, enjoy steak and lobster, sip champagne, and share stories late into the night. Even the devil joins in, cracking jokes and dancing like the life of the party. Before he knows it, the day is over, and everyone waves as the elevator carries him upward. Back in heaven, the politician spends 24 peaceful hours floating on clouds, singing, and playing the harp with smiling souls. It’s pleasant, calm, and orderly, but not very exciting. St. Peter returns and asks, “So, have you made your choice?” The politician pauses and says, “Heaven was lovely, but I think I’d be happier in hell.” St. Peter nods and sends him back down in the elevator. When the doors open, the politician finds himself standing in a filthy wasteland covered in trash. His friends are there too, dressed in rags, picking up garbage as more falls from the sky. Shocked, the politician turns as the devil approaches and puts an arm around his shoulder. “I don’t get it,” he says. “Yesterday this was a golf course with great food and happy people.” The devil smiles and replies, “Yesterday, we were campaigning.” “Today,” he adds, “you voted.”
	animals before people.