good one

Got a note from a friend the other day saying how lucky he was. On the one day his ex girlfriend wanted to get back together and he won Tattslotto.

We used to keep amused at boting restaurant dinner parties, by each person saying what they thought the weirdest thing the Queen ever did...

Was it the one when the burgler broke into the Queens Bedroom , JJ   AND he got all loving and at one stage He asked her for a Kiss.

   NO NO NO she firmly stated . "I am The Queen of England you know" ....

       I shouldn't even be Bonking You ".

Annastacia Palaszczuk and her chauffeur were cruising along a country road
one evening when an elderly cow staggered out on to the road in front of
the limo. The driver tried to avoid it but couldn't, resulting in the old
cow being struck and killed. Anastasia instructed her limo driver to go
over to the farmhouse to inform the landowner of what had just occurred.
She stayed in the limo making numerous phone calls on how to further border
restrictions and lockdowns. About an hour later the limo driver staggered
back to the limo with his clothes in disarray. He was holding a half empty
bottle of expensive wine in one hand, a very rare, huge cuban cigar in the
other and smeared with lipstick and smiling happily. "What happened to
you?" asked Anastasia. "Well" the driver replied. "The farmer gave me the
cigar, his wife gave me the wine and his beautiful twin blonde daughters
made crazy love with me"! "My God, what did you say to them?" asked
Anastasia. "I just stepped inside the door and said I'm the Premiers limo
driver and I've run over the old cow. The rest happened so fast I just
couldn't stop it"!

Yes, an old one re-mixed

Was that you at Redcliffe I saw ???

I got myself a seniors' GPS.
Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination,
it tells me why I wanted to go there.

Ray Warren, Tony Abbott and a young child were all flying in a small plane out to Western NSW, part way through the flight the pilot told them that the plane was having terminal engine problems and that they would all need to evacuate, however there was a problem, one of the planes four parachutes was missing.

The poor man lost his wife in the Harbour and Water Police were diving to locate her .
They finally reported to him that they had some BAD news , GOOD news and some GREAT news .
He wanted the Bad news first .. They Found her Body in 120 ft of water .
He wailed what could possibly be good news .. They said , she was covered with the most expensive crabs , known to man . and we are going to share them with you.
What could be great news he cried .... WE are going to pull her up again Tomorrow.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

2) Forget healthy food... I need all the preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair
that you once got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask
you the questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis only to find a British soldier selling regimental ties.