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Gay3
Moderator Group Joined: 19 Feb 2007 Location: Miners Rest Status: Offline Points: 51994 |
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These Cheaters Deserve To Be Called Out There are some absoluting hilarious accidental cheting texts here People can be so stupid tho' I do have to admit to a couple of PMs going to the wrong person on FB; those damned little boxes that keep popping up when ppl reply whilst you're replying to another https://travelerdoor.com/2020/06/18/textcheats/?utm_campaign=AE-TW-TD-AU-textcheats-070221-LC-V1-D&utm_source=TW&utm_medium=AE-TW-TD-AU-textcheats-070221-LC-V1-D&l=m&twclid=11361132022295502851
Edited by Gay3 - 15 Feb 2021 at 1:23pm |
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Wisdom has been chasing me but I've always outrun it!
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Shawy38
Champion Joined: 13 Jun 2015 Status: Online Points: 17383 |
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Here's a joke that's only 4 words long. |
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Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41479 |
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Now some important philosophical questions on life ....... Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front? Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke? Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters? Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways and put our useless junk in the garage? EVER WONDER... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavouring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavoured cat food? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal? We all need to smile every once in a while. ? |
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animals before people.
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GAJ
Champion Joined: 13 Apr 2011 Location: Alstonville,NSW Status: Offline Points: 4410 |
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Love these AA, they have done the rounds before but always good for a laugh, many so true..
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41479 |
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Always cracks me up when people ask for a mars bar and a can of diet coke. Seen it so many times and always wonder why .
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animals before people.
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TJMitchell
Champion Joined: 29 Jun 2014 Location: Melbourne Status: Offline Points: 16915 |
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Perfectly balanced, as all things should be
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Time is a flat circle
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41479 |
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Trust you to understand these conundrums
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animals before people.
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Sister Dot
Premium Joined: 25 Nov 2009 Status: Offline Points: 4952 |
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“Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride, friendship without envy, or beauty without vanity? Here where grace is laced with muscle and strength by gentleness confined”
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Sister Dot
Premium Joined: 25 Nov 2009 Status: Offline Points: 4952 |
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A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills and canyon walls. When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final 'Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!' and rode off. "What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant. "Nothing," the woman answered "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off." "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."
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“Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride, friendship without envy, or beauty without vanity? Here where grace is laced with muscle and strength by gentleness confined”
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GAJ
Champion Joined: 13 Apr 2011 Location: Alstonville,NSW Status: Offline Points: 4410 |
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HAHA
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GAJ
Champion Joined: 13 Apr 2011 Location: Alstonville,NSW Status: Offline Points: 4410 |
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But I thought he was photo of the day...!!
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Sister Dot
Premium Joined: 25 Nov 2009 Status: Offline Points: 4952 |
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Took me back to my Broken Arrow days, remember that show?
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“Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride, friendship without envy, or beauty without vanity? Here where grace is laced with muscle and strength by gentleness confined”
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Carioca
Champion Joined: 13 Nov 2015 Status: Offline Points: 21821 |
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I remember a good cowboy and Indian movie Broken Arrow , is that the one ?
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41479 |
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*The ATO has returned the Tax Return to a man in Townsville after he
apparently answered one of the questions. In response to the question, "Do you have anyone dependent on you?"The man wrote, * *"2.1 million illegal immigrants, * *1.1 million crackheads, * *4.4 million unemployable scroungers, * *80,000 criminals in over 85 prisons plus * *450 idiots in Parliament, thousands of 'retired politicians' and an entire group that call themselves 'Senators'* * The ATO stated that the response he gave was "unacceptable." The man responded by asking ATO, "Who did I leave out?"* |
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41479 |
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As I sat, strapped in my seat waiting during the countdown, one thought kept crossing my mind ... every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. - John Glenn |
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41479 |
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America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. - David Letterman |
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animals before people.
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Sister Dot
Premium Joined: 25 Nov 2009 Status: Offline Points: 4952 |
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Carioca, I used to come home from school and watch a cowboy and indian show, I thought it was at least once a week? Think it was called Broken Arrow, or was it Cochise?
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“Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride, friendship without envy, or beauty without vanity? Here where grace is laced with muscle and strength by gentleness confined”
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Sister Dot
Premium Joined: 25 Nov 2009 Status: Offline Points: 4952 |
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“Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride, friendship without envy, or beauty without vanity? Here where grace is laced with muscle and strength by gentleness confined”
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41479 |
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*ABOUT GROWING OLDER...* *First ~* *Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.* *Second ~* *The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.* *Third ~* *Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved.* *Fourth ~* *When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.* *Fifth ~* *You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.* *Sixth ~* *I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top.* *Seventh ~* *One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young.* *Eighth ~* *One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been.* *Ninth ~* *Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable and relaxed.* *Tenth* *~** Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, its called golf. * *And, finally ~* *If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old.* |
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41479 |
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*There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves.* |
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animals before people.
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Shawy38
Champion Joined: 13 Jun 2015 Status: Online Points: 17383 |
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Winning isn't everything, it's the only thing
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41479 |
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Yep, thats me
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animals before people.
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oneonesit
Champion Joined: 06 Aug 2012 Status: Offline Points: 37159 |
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Ray feared his wife Judy wasn't hearing as well as she used to & he thought she may need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test he could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.
"Here's what you do" , said the Doctor, stand about 10 metres away from her, & in normal speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 8 metres, then 6, & so on till you get a response. That evening , the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, & he in his den. He says to himself, I'm about 10m away, lets see what happens. Then in a normal tone he asks "Honey, what's for dinner ?" No response So he moves 2 metres closer "Judy, what's for dinner ?" Still no response So he moves another 2 metres closer "Darling, what's for dinner ?" Still nothing So this time he moves right up next to her "Lovey dove, what's for dinner ?" "for Christs sake Ray, for the FOURTH TIME, BLOODY CHICKEN !" |
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Refer ALP Election Promises
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Sister Dot
Premium Joined: 25 Nov 2009 Status: Offline Points: 4952 |
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The daily laugh from Irish Paddy and his Mother In Law ha ha ha. Irish Divorce The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. What happened Paddy? she asks anxiously. What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever! Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy! says his mother-in-law. There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened. Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. Paddy, there, I told you it must be a simple explanation She never received your email.
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“Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride, friendship without envy, or beauty without vanity? Here where grace is laced with muscle and strength by gentleness confined”
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Baghdad Bob
Champion Joined: 10 Feb 2010 Location: Victoria Status: Offline Points: 13676 |
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What is the definition of a Mistress ?
She is the woman who lies between a Mister and a mattress in a bed.
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Gay3
Moderator Group Joined: 19 Feb 2007 Location: Miners Rest Status: Offline Points: 51994 |
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Aussie counselling at it's best!
A desperate looking woman stood poised on the edge of a cliff, about to jump off.
An old homeless bloke who was wandering by stopped and said,
"Look, since you'll be dead in a few minutes, and it won't matter to you, how about a quickie before you go?"
She screamed, "NO! Bugger off you filthy old bastard!"
He shrugged and turned away saying, "Okay then, I'll just go and wait at the bottom."
She didn't jump. |
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Wisdom has been chasing me but I've always outrun it!
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Second Chance
Champion Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Status: Offline Points: 45721 |
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Barnaby Joyce walks into the Party Room carrying a flask. Matt Canavan: What have you got there? Barnaby: Its a new type of flask. Matt: What does it do then? Barnaby: It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold. Matt: So what have you got in it then? Barnaby: Two cups of coffee and an ice cream. |
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Baghdad Bob
Champion Joined: 10 Feb 2010 Location: Victoria Status: Offline Points: 13676 |
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A guy was getting ready to tee off on the first hole when a
second golfer approached and asked if he could join him. The first said that he
usually played alone, but agreed to the twosome. They were even after the first
two holes. The second guy said, "We're about evenly matched, how about
playing for five bucks a hole?" The first guy said that he wasn't much for
betting, but agreed to the terms. The second guy won the remaining sixteen
holes with ease. As they were walking off number eighteen, the second guy was
busy counting his $80.00. He then confessed that he was the pro at the
neighboring course and liked to pick on suckers. The first fellow revealed that
he was the Parish Priest. The pro was flustered and apologetic, offering to
return the money. The Priest said, "You won fair and square and I was
foolish to bet with you. You keep your winnings." The pro said, "Is
there anything I can do to make it up to you?" The Priest said,
"Well, you could come to Mass on Sunday and make a donation of $80. And,
if you want to, bring your Mother and Father along, I'll marry them." |
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GAJ
Champion Joined: 13 Apr 2011 Location: Alstonville,NSW Status: Offline Points: 4410 |
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good one, love the last line..
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Second Chance
Champion Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Status: Offline Points: 45721 |
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Bloke
talking to his mate: I was at
the local swimming pool today and decided to have a sneaky pee in the deep end. The
lifeguard must have noticed, and blew his whistle so loud I bloody nearly fell in. |
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