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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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Its just bush gelati. Lots of the liddle goomers wander across the road,,,,,no idea why. Going to where nos why. Try and miss them. Hope you dont squash them. If they get on a post they are doing well.
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animals before people.
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Ticino
Champion Joined: 20 Oct 2008 Location: Germany Status: Offline Points: 4446 |
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Hello,
it's the first time I post in this Forum You never appreciate what you have until its gone. Toilet paper is a good example of this. How true!! When I remember "the toilet paper crisis", during the "Lockdown" in Germany earlier this year. The first thing Germans will miss. On the other Hand, after some weeks our super market branch was delivered with some toilet tissue branded "Goldeimer" (= Golden Bucket) regards, Ticino |
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TJMitchell
Champion Joined: 29 Jun 2014 Location: Melbourne Status: Offline Points: 16915 |
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Just did my good deed for today! I was behind an old lady at the
supermarket. Her shopping came to $55.20, she only had just under $40. I
thought she was probably someones Nan, She didn’t want me to help her,
but I insisted, and in no time we had all her shopping back on the
shelves.
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Time is a flat circle
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Carioca
Champion Joined: 13 Nov 2015 Status: Offline Points: 21824 |
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What a top man ...not.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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An old drover walks into the barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, Northern Territory, and asks for a shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age. The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin. When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years but, he asked "Isn't it a bit dangerous? what would happen if I accidentally swallowed it? The barber replied, "No sweat mate, just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does.” |
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animals before people.
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Carioca
Champion Joined: 13 Nov 2015 Status: Offline Points: 21824 |
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Love it !
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TJMitchell
Champion Joined: 29 Jun 2014 Location: Melbourne Status: Offline Points: 16915 |
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Time is a flat circle
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Sister Dot
Premium Joined: 25 Nov 2009 Status: Offline Points: 4960 |
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“Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride, friendship without envy, or beauty without vanity? Here where grace is laced with muscle and strength by gentleness confined”
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Sister Dot
Premium Joined: 25 Nov 2009 Status: Offline Points: 4960 |
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You caught me good with that one
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“Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride, friendship without envy, or beauty without vanity? Here where grace is laced with muscle and strength by gentleness confined”
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fee
Champion Joined: 17 Oct 2020 Status: Offline Points: 785 |
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Not really jokes but pretty funny I thought
These are the shocking true stories of the unfortunate people who died while having sex. The tragic stories highlight a dangerous side to everyone’s favorite pastime, so remembero take care next time you get down and dirty. Crushed by pornOne man recently met a sticky end after being crushed by a mountain of pornographic magazines. The Japanese man, named as 50-year-old Joji, was found six months after his 13,000-pound stash of porn magazines fell on him.Cleaners tasked with tidying up his neglected apartment found that the entire apartment was crammed with the explicit magazines. It is unknown whether the man, a former car manufacturer, had died from a heart attack and then fell into a stack of pornography, or whether he was crushed to death by his X-rated collection. Plunge of passionIn 2007, a couple from Columbia, South Carolina, fell to their deaths after plunging naked from the roof of an office building. The bodies of Brent Tyler and Chelsea Tumbleston, both 21, were found by a taxi driver in the middle of an otherwise empty street at 5 am.
The couple’s clothes were later found on the roof of a nearby building, where they were believed to have been having a risky outdoor romp before falling from the roof. Half-day orgy ends in tragedyA Russian man died in 2009 after completing a 12-hour orgy with female pals, who had bet him over $4,000 that he couldn’t keep going for half a day.
Minutes after completing the bet, mechanic Sergey Tuganov died of a heart attack, which had been caused by the huge quantity of Viagra he had guzzled to prepare him for the task. Eaten by a lion after romping in the wildIn 2013, a Zimbabwean news website reported that a couple was attacked by a lion after having sex in nature. The big cat killed Sharai Mawera after interrupting the couple, although her unidentified lover managed to run away before he could be killed.
After notifying the police, the male lover, who escaped wearing only a condom, found the woman’s mauled body at the scene of the attack. Smothered to death by lover’s breastsDonna Lange, 51, smothered her lover to death inside a mobile home. The intoxicated woman, from Washington, claimed she didn’t know how the man died, although a witness claimed to have seen her crush his face with her chest. Sperm bank heart attackA trainee doctor, Zheng Gang, died of a heart attack in 2011 – after over-exerting himself whilst producing a sample at a sperm bank.
The 23-year-old was pronounced dead at the scene of China’s Wuhan University, where he had spent two hours inside a booth, having already visited four times that week. Policeman bites the dust during a threesomeA cop died in 2009 when his heart gave out during a threesome – and his wife sued his doctor for not warning him to not have sex.
William Martinez, a 31-year-old Atlanta police officer, died whilst having sex with another woman and a male friend.But his wife won $3 million after suing his doctor for not warning him that he had a weak heart, and should avoid strenuous activities. Death by neo-Nazi roleplayA sick neo-Nazi roleplaying session ended in tragedy after 38-year-old Simon Burley died when a sex game with lover Elizabeth Hallam went wrong. The hanging-enthusiast had a noose fitted around his neck whilst his lover played the part of a Nazi executioner, who hanged him as part of a sex game they were playing.
Unfortunately, the knife she planned to cut him down with was blunt, and the man was left to suffocate to death at his house in England. |
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Sister Dot
Premium Joined: 25 Nov 2009 Status: Offline Points: 4960 |
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My game was much safer ????
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“Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride, friendship without envy, or beauty without vanity? Here where grace is laced with muscle and strength by gentleness confined”
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Sister Dot
Premium Joined: 25 Nov 2009 Status: Offline Points: 4960 |
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“Where in this wide world can man find nobility without pride, friendship without envy, or beauty without vanity? Here where grace is laced with muscle and strength by gentleness confined”
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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*A guy goes into a post office to apply for a job.* *The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"* *He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee.”* *"Ok, have you ever been in the military service?”* *"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour.”* *The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.” Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?”* *The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."* *The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay, you've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day.”* *The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?”* *"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."* |
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animals before people.
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fee
Champion Joined: 17 Oct 2020 Status: Offline Points: 785 |
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*"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."*[/QUOTE] You would easily qualify for a job then
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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I know what I am talking about, so thank you for your confidence vote My last 29 years of working was in a Govnt job. Having never started life with balls, I didnt fit that criteria, but I am sure you would have.
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animals before people.
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TJMitchell
Champion Joined: 29 Jun 2014 Location: Melbourne Status: Offline Points: 16915 |
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There are 2 types of people in the morning
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Time is a flat circle
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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I am the brown dog.
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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After Christmas a teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holidays away from school. One child wrote the following. We always used to spend our holidays with grandma and grandpa . They used to live in a big brick house but grandpa got retarded and they moved to Batemans Bay where everyone lives in nice little houses and so they don't have to mow the grass any more. They ride around on their bicycles and scooters and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. they go to a building called a wreck center but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, they do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. there is a swimming pool too but they all jump up and down in it with hats on. at their gate there is a dolls house with a little old man sitting in it, he watches all day so nobody can escape. sometimes they sneak out and go cruising in their golf carts. nobody there cooks, they just eat out they eat the same thing every night (earlybirds). some of the people can't get out past the man in the dolls house. the ones who get out bring food back to the wrecked center for pot luck. my grandma says that grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded some day too. when I earn my retardment , I want to be the man in the dolls house then I will let people out, so they can visit their grandchildren. Priceless. I am sending this to all my retarded friends. |
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animals before people.
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max manewer
Champion Joined: 31 Jan 2010 Status: Offline Points: 32947 |
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I have often wondered about that morning person/evening person thing, I think it has something to do with the difference between the way people react to their circadian rhythm. It reaches its lowest point around 3-4 AM.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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Dunno about rhythms but I dont do mornings. One of the reasons I never went as a strapper /work rider with race horses.
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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Two Irishmen were working for Dundee City Council public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in. They worked up one side of the street, then down the other, then moved on to the next street, working furiously all day without rest, one man digging a hole, the other filling it in again. An onlooker was amazed at their hard work, but couldn't understand what they were doing. So he asked the hole digger, 'I'm impressed by the effort you two are putting in to your work, but I don't get it -- why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?' The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, 'Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick.' |
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to Perth and the other to Nambrok They agree to meet every ten years in Sydney to play golf and catch up with each other. At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "Why Hooters?" "They have those servers with the big boobs, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs." "You're on." At age 42, they meet and play golf again "Where you wanna go for lunch?" "Hooters." "Again? Why?" "They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games." "OK." At age 52 they meet and play again. "So where you wanna go for lunch?" "Hooters. "Why?" "The food is pretty good and there's plenty of parking." "OK." At age 62 they meet again. After a round of golf, one says, "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "Why?" "Wings are half price and the food isn't too spicy." "Good choice" At age 72 they meet again. Once again, after a round of golf, one says, "Where shall we go for lunch?" "Hooters." "Why?" "They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts." "Great choice." At age 82 they meet and play again. "Where should we go for lunch?" "Hooters." "Why?" "Because we've never been there before." “Okay, let’s give it a try." |
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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To: ;
A friend of mine has acquired two tickets for the final round of the 2021 US Masters. He paid $7,500 each and he was dead lucky to get them. But he didn't realize when he bought them that it was going to be on the same day as his wedding. So he's now looking for someone to take his place if you're interested.
If you are interested.....It's at the Holy Cross Church, on Lake Ave at 3pm on Masters Day. The bride's name is Nicole, she's 5'5", about 65 kgs, has a good job and she's a pretty fair cook.....She'll be the one in the white dress. |
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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Onions and Christmas Trees
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, there are three kinds of boobs:
'Onions?'
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said,'Mum, how many
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through
'A Christmas tree?'
'Yes - the tree is dead and the balls are just for decoration. |
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animals before people.
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max manewer
Champion Joined: 31 Jan 2010 Status: Offline Points: 32947 |
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Such crudity ! Fairly accurate, though.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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Sorry Max.
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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Mickey
O'Flynn worked in an Irish pickle factory. For many years he had a
powerful desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. Unable to stand
it any longer, he sought professional help from
the factory psychologist.
After six months, the therapist became frustrated and gave up. He advised Mickey to go ahead and do it or he would probably never have any peace of mind. The next day he came home from work very early. His wife, Mary, became alarmed and wanted to know what had happened. Mickey tearfully confessed his tormenting desire to put his penis in the pickle slicer. He went on to explain that today he finally went ahead and did it, and he was immediately fired. Mary gasped and ran over to her husband. She quickly yanked down his pants and shorts only to find a normal, completely intact penis. She looked up and said, "I don't understand. What about the pickle slicer?" Mickey replied, "She got fired, too." |
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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Politics explained ... simple terms ... very
insightful
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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Trump dies from the virus. He goes to Hell where the Devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do," says the Devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you. But you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." Trump thought that sounded pretty good so he agreed. The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and over, such was his fate in Hell. "No!" Trump said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and I don't think I could do that all day long." The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day!" commented Trump. The Devil opened a third door. In it, Trump saw Bill Clinton lying naked on the floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. Trump looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The Devil smiled and said, "Monica, you're free to go!" |
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animals before people.
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GAJ
Champion Joined: 13 Apr 2011 Location: Alstonville,NSW Status: Offline Points: 4410 |
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