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Living with an ADHD person, in covid times. |
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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Posted: 07 Jul 2021 at 6:20pm |
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I ended up not going for my hour exercise, today, because my ADHD daughter kept arguing about the time the bus was due, despite me giving her the correct information. She is able to walk down the very steep Arden Street, to Coogee, with no problem, since she is only 29 and has no physical health issues. I, on the other hand, need to catch a bus to the beach, because walking downhill is the most painful action when you have a bung knee with many spurs floating. Walking uphill causes far less problems.
Anyway, after missing the beach bus, we abandoned that destination...which means I will have to adjust the physio needed to keep me active, at all. Instead, we went directly to Randwick to shop. This would normally take about an hour to accomplish, but since covid restrictions came in, Miss ADHD's brain seems to have gone into fight-mode. At the Japanese sushi shop, she wanted to get takeaway and not eat it until we returned home. I said "fine", but if you buy any chicken dishes, better to eat them on the run, to be safe. I said I wasn't in the mood for sushi, so I'd wait and get a burger from Maccas, near the bus stop, before heading home. She argued for five minutes about getting the sushi at all, now I'd said those two things. Eventually, didn't get any. Next was the chemist. I got my script filled while she went around collecting various things she needed....mostly to deal with her allergies and eczema. We then had an argument about the amount of time she was taking, about queue-jumping, and who would pay for what. Next stop, the supermarket. She argued whether we should buy broccoli or broccolini. Then, chocolate. I told her to buy a couple of extra blocks for herself, since in the previous twelve hours she had polished off half of my Turkish Delight, at home. My daughter is a chocaholic. She eats it for breakfast. Took five minutes to settle that dispute. Then, she disappears...as usual...and I have to go up-aisle and down-aisle to find her. I call her The Scarlet Pimpernel because she disappears all the time, and, like Chauvelin, I continually seek her here, there and everywhere. We have a minor dispute at the checkout because she takes too much time scanning the groceries, and there is a long line waiting. She stops to argue about me attempting to speed things up. So, now we go past the chicken shop (small spat), then head over to the bus stop, where I expect to be allowed to quickly buy my lunch at Maccas. Suddenly, she announces she wants to buy an apple at the fruit shop...which is located forty metres into the village shopping centre. I remind her that we have only about seven minutes for the bus and neither of us have had lunch...so it's either that ONE apple or lunch. Take your pick. I lose the argument. She goes for her apple, leaving me with four heavy bags, none of which I am supposed to be carrying, at all. By the time she gets back, the bus is there. No time for lunch. We get on the bus, sit in separate seats, one behind the other, and I try not to combust at being hot, hungry and thirsty, while Miss ADHD happily chats on about how she might go for a walk after we get home. On arrival at home, she suddenly realises I am still pissed off at her selfishness and offers to walk to Coogee for...Maccas. I shake my head in despair and let her go. I eventually got lunch at 3.15.
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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stayer
Champion Joined: 10 Aug 2010 Status: Offline Points: 21897 |
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Try a classroom full of them.
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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Trying to restrain a hyperactive person, in a lockdown, is a nightmare. She goes for walks at ten o'clock at night, after pacing the house about twenty times, making up her mind whether to go.
She is already panicking about the extra week added. I might need handcuffs to restrain her. |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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Teachers are masochists. We have two in my immediate family. It would be the last profession I would ever consider. |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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Passing Through
Champion Joined: 09 Jan 2013 Location: At home Status: Offline Points: 79532 |
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That is what my sister does, look after the special needs unit of their primary school. Got a 20 year certificate last week. She loves it.
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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I've found that nearly all integration assistants, carers and teachers are really good people.
Have the patience of saints. I used to go on excursions with the special needs kids and observed the work they did. Yet, there are people who think these kids need to be locked away in 'special' schools, apart from children who have no problems. Even though, sometimes, it's the no-problems children who cause the most problem... |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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I doesn't matter if this subject doesn't interest people...I just needed to bitch about a difficult day...
the stuffed lemur on my bed is sick of me complaining... |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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Petiterhapsody
Yearling Joined: 15 Mar 2019 Location: Over the ditch Status: Offline Points: 178 |
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I 100000% hear you. This is my life on a daily basis as a single parent with an autistic/adhd/intellectually disabled 8yr old boy and trying to run a small boutique breeding business with a failing body too. It's dam hard and yes there's no rest for us, the only saving grace is therapy and support workers. Ndis is a bunfight to get anything. I hope you have some assistance to get a chance to rest, so by all means rant away. I hear and most certainly feel your life you live.
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stayer
Champion Joined: 10 Aug 2010 Status: Offline Points: 21897 |
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It's a great thread top8c, JJ. Important stuff.
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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We are past NDIS help. She was originally diagnosed ADHD, at three years of age, after we had endured two years of very difficult hyperactive behaviour. Tried every diet known to man to control the hyperactivity. Not too many made a difference. After diagnosis, she was put on Ritalin, which was very helpful, but had one huge drawback...she wouldn't eat while it was active. She also had to be given a drug called Catapres, an hour before bed-time, to get her to sleep. That drug worried me...she would go very pale while on it, as it lowers blood pressure...and after two years, I took her off it and just battled on with the Ritalin. A whole lot of know-alls told me it was bad parenting causing her problems. Sometimes, that was harder to deal with than the actual condition. When she went to school, the Ritalin used to wear off before lunchtime and I had to go and give her a top-up to get her through the afternoon. Sometimes, I would find her wandering by herself in the schoolyard. We were lucky that we had good support from integration staff and the school she attended was one our entire family had been pupils of and a lot of us worked on committees there. Fast forward...she got through Primary and High school, on the Ritalin, still not eating properly, but after leaving school she came off the drug...mostly due to her asking not to have to take it anymore. She put on weight rapidly and now looks a lot healthier...and bigger...but of course, all the ADHD quirks reappeared in spades. She never sleeps before 3am (you might notice I often post in the wee small hours, as I don't get to sleep, either), she paces endlessly, is restless, stubborn, set in her ways, hates change, panics if something unexpected occurs and has no out-of-family friends. But...she is as smart as anyone I've met and often corrects me about a lot of things. She is an artist, works on-line doing the cleverest drawings and makes a little money from it. She has a ribald sense of humour and when we are not arguing, we laugh a lot. So, there are compensations. She can take care of herself, but it still falls back on me in regards to legal matters and any paperwork. This lockdown has been hard on both of us because we can't get away from each other, just to have a break. |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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Her father gave up and went to live in our holiday house, after the second child showed symptoms of ODD. Cowardice. He wanted perfect children and had no patience to deal with problems. The second child was the really difficult child. Wouldn't take any medication, so I just had to deal with the tantrums, escalations, hatred of authority. Now, she's 26, married, and her poor husband has to deal with it. I might add that she now looks like a model, and has a model's temperament. Sometimes, I wonder how I survived those years. We deserve medals. |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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stayer
Champion Joined: 10 Aug 2010 Status: Offline Points: 21897 |
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Good integration aides are the backbone of a school. Bad ones are frigging terrible. The other big issue is quack industries "diagnosing" kids with some new thing that isn't heard of 5 years later. Causes a lot of unnecessaey stress to families. Most kids just need time and a couple of caring teachers to get them through the rough patches.
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stayer
Champion Joined: 10 Aug 2010 Status: Offline Points: 21897 |
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And yes the parents deserve medals. Heroes, IMO.
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Petiterhapsody
Yearling Joined: 15 Mar 2019 Location: Over the ditch Status: Offline Points: 178 |
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Oh my you need an absolute medal, she's so very lucky to have you. We are on the medication path with respridone and Vyanse mornings, dex amphetamine at lunch and catapres at night. Without it he's nearly climbing warms and pushing everyone to the limits. Fortunately we are in Tassie and when it's warmer I'm quite often found out in a far paddock just for peace. Yes covid would be incredibly hard wth lock downs and with loosing a sense of regularity neoro divergent people would be finding it incredibly hard. Much kudos to you
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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wow...you are on a worse cocktail. I do not envy you your schedule. I once went to a gathering of parents and children, involved with ADHD and Aspergers. After an hour watching all the kids going berserk, I decided not to go back a second time. So much interaction made it worse. But I made friends with another single mum, there. She liked getting together with me, after that, because her seven-year-old son would behave for me. This is why a lot of parents of ADHD children get called bad parents...because it is a quirk of the condition that they behave somewhat better with a stranger. |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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and I understand the need for paddock space...and lots of guilt and tears...
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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Teachers deserve extra pay. Gee, I loved it when they went off to school... I wouldn't want to have had to home-school my two, in a pink fit. I'd be in the looney bin. |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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Petiterhapsody
Yearling Joined: 15 Mar 2019 Location: Over the ditch Status: Offline Points: 178 |
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No me either, school holidays are ghastly. He behaves great at school, but as many have described to me there's a coke bottle effect when they come home. And yes when they can be with others, sensory overload.
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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I remember one time I took the girls on an outing and they didn't misbehave, throw a tantrum, fight or wander off. It was so unusual, when we got home I sat and cried for ten minutes...because life was strangely 'normal'. It didn't last. Next one was the real normal, losing the older one, and the other screaming all the way home in the bus. They were about eight and five at the time.
Fun was never fun. |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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What does an ADHD person do in a blackout? Wanders the house, aimlessly, because she can't play playstation games, or do her work, or watch her ipad...because the wifi went down as well.
I sent her out to get hot pies from the local bakery, because they would only have to throw them away if the power never resumed. That consumed half-an-hour. Then the pacing started again. She came up with the idea we could boil water in the fondue set. We've never used it since receiving it as a Christmas gift. The idea was good, the execution poor, since the candle kept going out. We gave up. She eventually decided she would take her daily exercise by walking to the Randwick shops, hoping the power would come back on while she was out. It did. Thank God. The thought of having to keep her entertained all day was more alarming than the outage. I read a book. Simples. What we used to do before technology came into our lives. |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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Carioca
Champion Joined: 13 Nov 2015 Status: Offline Points: 21824 |
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Well you've tried all this city shyte and your not having much luck , your also lined up for surgery in the future , why not put that on hold and take a completely diferrent tack , apply for her to work on a sheep station to learn the basics of woolclassing or trainee jackaroo on a cattle station , you have to flick the switch and dictate to the mind , you never know and it's worth a try .
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Carioca
Champion Joined: 13 Nov 2015 Status: Offline Points: 21824 |
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Silly post by me ( shoulda read the thread properly )
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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wow... could not see her doing that in a pink fit. |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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Why not ?? Does she have to stay home with you and be pandered to ?? Would it hurt her to get out and do something different, instead of staying home with Mum ??
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animals before people.
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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She earns money doing art-work on-line. She is very good at it and makes enough to enjoy her other pursuits . Loves swimming and is a very strong swimmer.
She doesn't get pandered to, at all. She can go and do whatever she wishes. I have not tied her to my apron strings, and push her to do whatever she is capable of. Probably too much, at times, since she hates meeting new people. It's her right to do what she wants and not be forced into something she hates. But I doubt she'd be even remotely interested in wool-classing or being a jackaroo. |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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nothing wrong with being home with Mum, when Mum is more fun than most people her own age. We travel a lot and do some pretty crazy stuff...when a pandemic is not around.
She's already been to England and America, and might go back there, with her sister, if this ever ends. |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 31 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41483 |
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Fair enough. Just you told us she has her own mind and makes her own decisions. I just wondered. Sometimes getting out and being with animals helps a lot of people with many different problems. Jackaroo is bloody hard yakka |
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animals before people.
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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She had a cat...it died five months ago...
She used to come to Gai's, with me. But got bored easily. I have a great photo of her being nuzzled by the very enormous Strawberry Boy...but she would never work with horses. Not the horsey type. To each their own. Mum would kill to go back to working with horses. |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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jujuno
Champion Joined: 25 Jan 2010 Location: Coasting Status: Offline Points: 36447 |
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Desert War, Rain Lover, Latin Knight, Hay List, Mustard...my turf heroes...
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maccamax
Champion Joined: 19 Jun 2010 Status: Offline Points: 41473 |
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Every Picture tells a story . The daughter giving Mum's nose a Rub .
That's Lovelly JJ ... She doesn't look to be hyped up in that Photo. |
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