Dementia

jujuno wrote: Tlazolteotl wrote: Heart attack might get me. Stroke might get me. Cancer might get me. Shark might get me. Dementia - never. Plenty of advance notice to pull the plug. Why do people wait?  I always thought a stroke would cause my demise. Or that shark you mentioned.  I could be very wrong.

Esp. if you get too close to me slurping that bloody ice cream on the 29th 

It's been hell in a handbasket for me the last few days but appreciate some of the insights and sharings on this thread.

A funny thing occurred to me today that one post reminds me of - if you can have "joint" or "several" powers of attorney, what exactly is the meaning of "joint AND several"??? Seems to me that the "joint" bit is negated by the "several", no?

Yeah but I mean "joint and several" means either together or alone is equally valid. There's no "primary"/"secondary" bit in the document I've got.

I can understand the phrase "joint and several" in terms of contract stuff - shared or split vs sole liability. But decision-making about another person's end-of-life stuff, especially if they are incapacitated and various siblings/ families are involved - that's different. Eg a sibling can sign away on a decision about property without needing the other sibling to agree. Seems to be defeating the purpose of ensuring an agreed/ amicable decision. I'm guessing there must be extra layers of legal protection that are needed to ensure that won't happen?

I think the legal picture is clearing up for me, Brudder_A. Also did a bit of googling in between posts and it seems I was right - eg for real estate decisions the attorney should have a certain number from the Land Titles office, etc. Extra layers on top of the very simply-worded powers of attorney doc that we've signed a couple of years back.

I hate even thinking about this stuff because I just want to care for my folks, but my brother has a very shrewd wife and my parents have a lot of money in property/ assets, and I'm starting to get my spidey-senses tingling. She seems to be jumping on this latest crisis as a chance to put both my parents into permanent care ASAP, rather than go down the road of regular in-house care/ assistance. Basically she wants them both deemed incapacitated.

And then there's this - the power of attorney ceases when the grantor dies. Then the Will takes over. So, in a completely hypothetical (?!) Agatha Christie-type situation, a crafty wife might influence a pliable husband to sign off on decisions using his power of attorney WHILE the parents are still alive but incapacitated, if she knows that she/ husband will get more from doing that than by waiting on what is in the Will.

Like I said, I wish I wasn't even thinking about this crap, but I guess I have to be prepared for the worst.

Second Chance wrote: Haven't followed the thread, so can I ask if there's an established clinical link between dementia and alcoholism?  No smart ass comments please. Ask because a long term friend now has dementia and is in care.  Due to the tyranny of distance last spent time with him about 9 years ago and his mind was spot on. He'd never ever been a drinker and wasn't at all seriously overweight. Then a divorce when in his late 60's which couldn't have gone real well, as I'm told that just five short years later he'd become a chronic alcoholic Type 2 diabetes person with Alzheimer's disease which soon degenerated into dementia. Any comments welcome.

Thanks Brudder. Really genuinely nice to hear "peace be with you." You too, mate.

AA, that's what I would have liked re joint decisions that we both agree on etc. My brother's wife is the spanner in the works. This whole Life thing is sad isn't it. I keep looking around my old childhood home and seeing all sorts of memories (eg just a tool dad used to fix something or a cup mum used to always use), and it ends in this undignified mess where all their efforts and worries and mistakes and occasional joys and everything along the way seem to have count for nothing. Makes you think.

^ What he said. Thanks again to all - it's a help having anonymous people to share this stuff with.

Bloody hell.

Sorry, that was cryptic and forgot to follow up. Yeah I'm okbthanks JJ but it's been hell. Eg dad just got up and went out to get the morning paper. In the dark. And looks like mum will be in hospital for at least another week, which is good in a way because she's safe. So much for my $750 a day teaching job though. Haven't worked for 2 weeks and had to say can't do it for rest of term. Made about 20 long phonecalls today organising all sorts of stuff for mum and dad.

I feel for you mate . 

Thanks Carioca.

And no Tlaz I don't have kids.

No, not them either. 

Thanks BP. Too exhausted to reply properly right now but will do.