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Dizzy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dizzy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 May 2018 at 8:08pm
I have dogs....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote RED HUNTER Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 May 2018 at 9:54pm
Najib and Mahathir went Into A Bakery on a Campaign Trail. 

As soon as they enter the bakery, Najib steals three curry puffs and puts them in his pocket.
He says to Mahathir, "See how clever I am? The owner didn't even see anything and I don't even need to lie. I will definitely win these elections."

Mahathir says to Najib, "That's the typical dishonesty you have displayed throughout your entire life, trickeries and deceits.
I am going to show you an honest way to get the same result."

Mahathir goes to the owner of the bakery and says, "Give me a curry puff and I will show you a magic trick."

Intrigued, the owner accepts and gives him a pastry. Mahathir swallows it and asks for another one. The owner gives him another one and he eats it as well.
Then Mahathir asks for a third pastry and eats that, too.
The owner is starting to wonder where the magic trick is and
asks, "What did you do with the three curry puffs?"

Mahathir replies, "Look in Najib's pocket!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dr E Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Jun 2018 at 9:21pm
I went to a restaurant last night and my waitress had a black eye.

So when I ordered I made sure that I spoke loudly and clearly, because she obviously doesn't pay attention.

Big smile



As told to me by a 20 yo bloke ... there is hope for the future macca!Thumbs Up
In reference to every post in the Trump thread ... "There may have been a tiny bit of license taken there" ... Ok, Thanks for the "heads up" PT!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Jun 2018 at 10:09pm
The 20 year old would love Germain Greer, who said yesterday that rape really isnt a terrible crime, and mostly its consensual sex gone wrong Wacko
animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Jun 2018 at 10:36pm
 

Bill Shorten was asleep and was visited by Menzies' ghost. 

 

He said, "Bob, how can I make this country a better place?" 

Sir Robert said, "Love the Japanese steel producers as I did."


Shorten went back to sleep and dreamed of John Howard. 
 

He asked in his sleep, "John, how can I make this country a better place?"

John answered, "Be honest with the people as I was."


Again Shorten fell asleep and was visited by Harold Holt's ghost.

"Harold, how can I make this country a better place?"


Harold replied, "Go for a swim!"

 

 

animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Jun 2018 at 10:39pm

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what happened to you?

He said, " Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot.

They said, "Man, what happened to you? You look awful! He said, 'Man, that Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Man, what happened?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went and tucked Bob into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed him good night. Bob sat up and watched me all night."



 
animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dr E Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Jun 2018 at 3:22am
Originally posted by acacia alba acacia alba wrote:

The 20 year old would love Germain Greer, who said yesterday that rape really isnt a terrible crime, and mostly its consensual sex gone wrong Wacko

Germain Greer is one of the worst comedians I've ever seen!Dead

Funnier than Samantha Bee, Kathy Griffin and anyone on SNL, granted ...
In reference to every post in the Trump thread ... "There may have been a tiny bit of license taken there" ... Ok, Thanks for the "heads up" PT!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote maccamax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Jun 2018 at 10:27am
A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door in disgust. Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just in case this guy shows up again." The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whisperes to the wife, "Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he's going with this." She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?" "Yes I do." says the lady. The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"
       
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote maccamax Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Jun 2018 at 10:32am
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, "Honey, if I died would you get married again?" The husband said, "No sweetie." The woman said, "I'm sure you would." So the man said, "Okay, I would" Then the woman asked, "Would you let her sleep in our bed?" And the man replied, "Ya, I guess so." Then the wife asked, "Would you let her use my golf clubs?" And the husband replied, "No, she's left handed."
       
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote RED HUNTER Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Jun 2018 at 11:08pm
Originally posted by maccamax maccamax wrote:

A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at her door. She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing there. He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?" She slams the door in disgust. Later that night when her husband gets home she tells him what has happened. The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice, "Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home, just in case this guy shows up again." The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both ran for the door. The husband whisperes to the wife, "Honey, im going to hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I want you to answer yes to the question because I want to a see where he's going with this." She nods yes to her husband and opens the door. Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do you have a Vagina?" "Yes I do." says the lady. The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"


macca....the response to me telling that joke has been overwhelmingly great...tx
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote RED HUNTER Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Jun 2018 at 11:11pm
I just reversed the crunch line

to


Yes I do
"Well tell your husband to start using it and leave my wife's alone"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dizzy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jun 2018 at 7:52pm
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honour of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger, who whispers in Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's Tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed. "You have very fine and loyal horse, but I will still kill you in two days. What is your second request?"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse. Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off across the plains and disappears over the horizon. Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a brunette, even more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night. The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed. "You are indeed a man of many talents, but I still kill you tomorrow.
"What is your last request?"
The Lone Ranger responds," I'd like to speak to my horse....ALONE."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees, and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says:
"Listen very carefully, you sweetheart, for the last time.......... . BRING POSSE!!!!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote djebel Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jun 2018 at 7:55pm
LOL


STRIKE WHILST THE IRON IS HOT

reductio ad absurdum

The richest man is not he who has the most, but he who needs the least.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Passing Through Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Yesterday at 7:46am
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Yesterday at 1:33pm
That will be me, or you, or Macca, soon, me thinks , PT  ?
animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Passing Through Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: Yesterday at 1:46pm
What  do you mean soon, AA? 

Already. Embarrassed
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 hours 29 minutes ago at 5:27pm
Speak for yourself then, PT.  Wink  I am giving myself a bit more time yet.  Big smile
animals before people.
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