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Gay3 View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Gay3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Jan 2017 at 4:18pm
A teacher asks her class what their parents do for a living.
Mary says, "My dad's a doctor." The teacher says, "That's great, can you spell doctor?"
"Yes, miss," replies Mary, "it's D-O-C-T-O-R."
"Well done," says the teacher, "Who's next?"
Billy puts his hand up and says, "My dad is in the police and he's a constable."
"That's very good, Billy," says the teacher. "Can you spell constable?"
"Yes, miss, it's C-U-N ..." at which point the teacher interrupts and says "No, Billy, try again."
"OK, miss, it's C-U-N ..." at which point the teacher jumps in again and says to Billy, "Not quite, why don't you practice in your spelling book and we'll come back to you in a minute? Right, who's next?"
"My dad works for Ladbrokes, miss," says little Johnny.
"Oh," replies the teacher. "Can you spell Ladbrokes?"
To which little Johnny replies, "No, miss, but I'll give you 5/4 on that Billy writes cup cake in that book."
Experience is something you gain a few minutes after you could have used it!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Jan 2017 at 11:05pm
Paraprosdokians were apparently a Winston Churchill favourite, but what the heck are they?

According to the Macquarie Dictionary, a paraprosdokian is:

a figure of speech in which the latter part of an idiom, proverb, or well-known expression or formula of words is altered to make an unexpected and humorous ending.

Well they were humorous enough to get Winston giggling, so they must be funny.

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.

3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

8. They begin the evening news with “Good Evening”, then proceed to tell you why it isn't.

9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.

11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.

12. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘Emergency contact’, I put ‘doctor’.

13. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

15. Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

16. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.

17. You do not need a parachute to skydive unless you want to do it again.

18. Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

19. There's a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.

20. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

21. You're never too old to learn something stupid.

22. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.

23. Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

24. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

25. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

26.  Where there’s a will, there are relatives.

27.  If you would like to have a million dollars then start with two million.

28.  During WWII Sir Winston Churchill address to congress began with:
“It has often been said that Britain and America are two nations divided only by a common language”.

An the finale:

29. I am supposed to respect my elders, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

 

animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jayzaa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jan 2017 at 12:20pm
An old gentleman is standing is standing at the gates of Heaven trying to remember his name so St. Peter can look it up in the Big Book. Peter isn’t sure what to do, so he asks Jesus for help.

Jesus says to the man, “Tell us about your life, maybe that will jog your memory.”

The old man says, “Well, I had one child, a son.”

Jesus smiles, “Oh, I was an only child. Go on.”

“I was… some kind of woodworker – a carpenter, perhaps,” says the man.

Jesus says, “Huh, another coincidence. Can you remember anything else?”

The old man shakes his head and says, “You might not believe it but my son came to life by a miracle!”

Jesus’ jaw drops, he smiles and tears come to his eyes. “Father?” he asks.

The old man’s eyes open wide, “Pinocchio?”

www.keffelstein.com

gotta live the dream
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Jan 2017 at 11:07pm
>>>>Subject: Home Schooling

>>>> 

>>>> 

>>>>Most of our generation of 60+ were HOME SCHOOLED in many ways .

>>>>1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

>>>>"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished

>>>>cleaning."

>>>>2. My mother taught me RELIGION.

>>>>"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

>>>>3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL.

>>>>"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle

>>>>of next week!"

>>>>4. My father taught me LOGIC.

>>>>" Because I said so, that's why ."

>>>>5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC .

>>>>"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going

>>>>to the store with me."

>>>>6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.

>>>>"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

>>>>7. My father taught me IRONY.

>>>>"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

>>>>8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.

>>>>"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

>>>>9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.

>>>>"Just you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

>>>>10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.

>>>>"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

>>>>11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.

>>>>"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

>>>>12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.

>>>>"If I told you once, I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate!"

>>>>13. My father taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.

>>>>"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out..."

>>>>14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION .

>>>>"Stop acting like your father!"

>>>>15. My mother taught me about ENVY.

>>>>"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who

>>>>don't have wonderful parents like you do."

>>>>16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.

>>>>"Just wait until we get home."

>>>>17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.

>>>>"You are going to get it from your father when you get home!"

>>>>18 . My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.

>>>>"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck

>>>>that way."

>>>>19. My mother taught me ESP.

>>>>"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

>>>>20. My father taught me HUMOR.

>>>>"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

>>>>21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.

>>>>"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

>>>>22. My mother taught me GENETICS.

>>>>"You're just like your father."

>>>>23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.

>>>>"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

>>>>24. My mother taught me WISDOM.

>>>>"When you get to be my age, you'll understand.

>>>>25. My father taught me about JUSTICE .

>>>>"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

>>>>This should only be sent to the over 60 crowd because the younger

>>>>ones would not believe we truly were told these "EXACT" words by our

>>>>parents…

>>>> >

>>>> 

>>>> 

>>>> 

>>>> 

>>>> 

>>>> 

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>>>> 

>>>> 

>>>> 

>>>> 

>>>> 

>>>> 

>>>>----------

>>>> 

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>>>> 

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>>>> 

>>>> 

>>>> 

>>>> 

>>>> 

 

animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Toll Road Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Feb 2017 at 9:20am

Moral of this story is.......BRILLIANT!!


 

This is a story about 
A Fly, a Fish, a Bear

A Hunter, a Mouse and a Cat.
   

There is a moral to this story......


 In the dead of summer a fly was resting among leaves beside a stream.
 
The hot, dry fly said to no one in particular,
  

 


 
  


          'Gosh...if I go down three inches 

I will feel the mist

From the water and I will be refreshed.'


  There was a fish in the water thinking,

 


 
 
  'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches, I can eat him.'
 

  There was a bear on the shore thinking,

 


 
  


   'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches

That fish will jump for the fly... 

And I will grab the fish!!' 

It also happened that a hunter was farther up the bank 

Of the lake preparing to eat a cheese sandwich....
  
'Gosh,' he thought, 'if that fly goes down three inches...

And that fish leaps for it... 

That bear will expose himself and grab for the fish. 

I'll shoot the bear and have a proper lunch.'

  Now, you probably think this is 

Enough activity on one river bank,

But I can tell you there's more.... 


  
 

A wee mouse by the hunter's foot was thinking,

 

'Gosh, if that fly goes down three inches... 

And that fish jumps for that fly.. 

And that bear grabs for that fish.. 

The dumb hunter will shoot the bear 

And drop his cheese sandwich.' 

  A cat lurking in the bushes took in this scene and thought,

(as was fashionable to do on the banks of 

this particular river around lunch time)

 


 
 
 
  

'Gosh...if that fly goes down three inches.. 

And that fish jumps for that fly 

And that bear grabs for that fish 

And that hunter shoots that bear.. 

And that mouse makes off with the cheese sandwich . 

Then I can have mouse for lunch.' 

The poor fly is finally so hot and so dry that he 

heads down for the cooling mist of the water. 


The fish swallows the fly...


 
  

The bear grabs the fish.. 

 


 
 
  

The hunter shoots the bear..

 


 
  

The mouse grabs the cheese sandwich...

 
The cat jumps for the mouse.. 

The mouse ducks...

 


 
  

The cat falls into the water and drowns.

 

NOW, The Moral Of The Story....

Whenever a fly goes down three inches, 

 


 

  

Some pussy's gonna be in serious danger.  

  


  

didn't see that one coming, did you? 

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Passing Through Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Feb 2017 at 3:59pm
Shame the gifs didn't come out on that TR 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Toll Road Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Feb 2017 at 8:43pm
Originally posted by Passing Through Passing Through wrote:

Shame the gifs didn't come out on that TR 
Yeah it was a shame they didn't work PT
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Toll Road Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Mar 2017 at 3:40pm

The frequency of sexual activity of senior males depends on where they were born.

Statistics just released from Statistics Canada and The United Nations BO.H. Team, revealing that:

North American, Australian, New Zealanders and British men between 60 and 80 years of age, will on average, have sex two to three times per week, (and a small number a lot more), whereas Japanese men, in exactly the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year if they are lucky.

This has come as very upsetting news to both me and most of my friends at the golf club, as none of us had any idea that we were Japanese.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Mar 2017 at 8:34pm
A dog lover, whose dog was a female and "in heat," agreed to look after a neighbor's male dog while the neighbor was on vacation.

 

She had a large house and she believed that she could keep the two dogs apart.

 

However, as she was drifting off to sleep, she heard awful howling and moaning sounds. She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together and unable to disengage, as frequently happens when dogs mate.

 

Unable to separate them, and perplexed as to what to do next, and although it was very late at night, she called her vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

 

After she explained the problem to him, the vet said, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the noise of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and he will be able to withdraw."

 

"Do you think that will work?" she asked.

 

"Just worked for me," he replied.

animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Mar 2017 at 8:36pm
A young man with his pants hanging half off his arse, two gold front teeth & a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local Centrelink office to pick up his cheque.

He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi, you know, I just HATE drawin' welfare.  I'd really rather have a job. I don't like takin' advantage of the system, gettin' somethin' for nothin'."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We just got a  job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.

You'll have to drive around in his 2016 Mercedes-Benz CL & he will supply all of  your clothes."

"Because  of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward but you will also have to satisfy her sexual urges as the Daughter is in her 20's and has a strong  sex drive.”

The guy, wide-eyed, said, "You're bullgelatitin' me?"

The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . . you started  it."

 

animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Mar 2017 at 8:38pm
An older male patient is lying in bed in hospital,

wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth.

 

A young student nurse appears and gives him a

partial sponge bath. 

 

"Nurse,"  he mumbles from behind the mask:

"Are my testicles black?"

 

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't

know Sir, I'm only here to wash your upper body

and  feet."

 

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check

for me. Are my testicles black?"

 

Concerned that he might heighten his blood

pressure and heart rate from worrying about them,

she raises his gown, holds his manhood in one

hand and his testicles in the other. She looks very

closely and says: "There's nothing wrong with

them, Sir. They look magnificent."

 

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles

at her, & says very clearly:  "Thank you very much.

That was wonderful. Now listen very carefully:

"Are - My -Test - Results - Back?"

 

 

 

animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dr E Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Mar 2017 at 12:37am
1. LOLLOLLOLLOL
2. LOLLOLLOL
3. LOLLOLBig smile

on fire aa! Clap
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Whale Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Mar 2017 at 12:56pm
About 2 years ago I bought a usb stick from jb hi fi.  My computer at the time was 8 years old so was thinking of gettin a new one needed to save my info.

For the life of me I could not find somewhere to fit the metal part, there is an inlet but not compatible. I left it for a while but intermiitantly came back to it and could never find a suitable port, I put it down to old computer doesn't have the facility.

Anyway I still have the same computer, been playing up really badly lately so I need to finally get rid of it.  Found the USB stick, marched into jb hi fi saying this cannot fit into my computer, do they come in different sizes ?

Store assistant looking puzzled said no but it should fit , pulled off the cover and showed me.

I did not realise there was a cover, had been trying to insert the metal handle on the other side Embarrassed

And AA and Stayer think they are hopless, they have nothing on me LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Toll Road Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Mar 2017 at 1:08pm

Male SELF EXAMINATION FOR ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE....It takes less than 15 seconds..

If you are male and over 60 yrs old, you SHOULD take this Alzheimer's Test

How fast can you guess these words and fill-in the blanks?

1. _ _NDOM

2. F_ _K

3. P_N_S

4. PU_S_

5. S_X

6. BOO_S

Answers:  

1. RANDOM

2. FORK

3. PANTS

4. PULSE

5. SIX

6. BOOKS

You got all 6 wrong...didn't you?

The good news is:

You do NOT have Alzheimer's.

You are a pervert.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Mar 2017 at 4:07pm
Originally posted by Whale Whale wrote:

About 2 years ago I bought a usb stick from jb hi fi.  My computer at the time was 8 years old so was thinking of gettin a new one needed to save my info.

For the life of me I could not find somewhere to fit the metal part, there is an inlet but not compatible. I left it for a while but intermiitantly came back to it and could never find a suitable port, I put it down to old computer doesn't have the facility.

Anyway I still have the same computer, been playing up really badly lately so I need to finally get rid of it.  Found the USB stick, marched into jb hi fi saying this cannot fit into my computer, do they come in different sizes ?

Store assistant looking puzzled said no but it should fit , pulled off the cover and showed me.

I did not realise there was a cover, had been trying to insert the metal handle on the other side Embarrassed

And AA and Stayer think they are hopless, they have nothing on me LOL

Dont worry Whale. In spite of the blow by blow directions Gay has given, over and over,  I still can not master putting pictures on here.
animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Whale Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Mar 2017 at 6:43pm
Image result for how do I do it
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That bird has nothing on our Acacia !
I've only backed one certainty in my life....& it lost !
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Mar 2017 at 9:09pm
Originally posted by oneonesit oneonesit wrote:

That bird has nothing on our Acacia !

Oh Thank You, Oneone !Big smile  You are too kind !!
She is lots younger than me, and still looks to be having problems, so thats encouraging !!Thumbs Up
animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Apr 2017 at 7:39pm
An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician to ask his advice on reviving her husband's libido.

 

"What about trying Viagra?" asked the doctor.

 

"Not a chance" she  replied. "He won't even take an aspirin".

  

"Not a problem," said the doctor. "Give him an Irish Viagra.

 

"What on Earth is Irish Viagra?" she asked.

 

"It's Viagra dissolved in his morning cup of coffee. He won't even taste it.

 

Let me know how it goes," he said.

 

She called the doctor the very next afternoon. "How did it go?" he asked.

 

"Oh faith, bejaysus and begorrah, doctor, it was terrible. Just horrid, I tell ya! I'm beside meself!"

 

"Oh, no! What in the world happened?"

 

"Well, I did the deed, Doctor, just as you advised. I put the Viagra in his morning coffee, and he drank it.

 

Well, you know, it took effect almost immediately, and he jumped straight up out of his chair with a smile on his face, a twinkle in his eye and his pants a-bulging.

 

Then, with one fierce swoop of his arm, he sent the cups, saucers, and everything else that was on the table flying across the room, ripped me clothes to tatters and passionately took me then and there right on top of the table.

 

Twas a nightmare, I tell ya, an  absolute nightmare!"

 

“Why so terrible?" asked the doctor. "Wasn't the sex good?"

 

"Freakin jaysus, it was the best sex I've had in me last 25 years, but sure as I'm sittin here, doctor, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again.

 

 



 


 

.

  

"

 

"


.

 


animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Apr 2017 at 12:19am
Originally posted by Shammy Davis Shammy Davis wrote:



Memories   Wink    
animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Shammy Davis Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Apr 2017 at 1:04am
Originally posted by acacia alba acacia alba wrote:

Originally posted by Shammy Davis Shammy Davis wrote:




Memories   Wink    


Thank the good Lord that the doctor didn't suggest that the Viagra be taken with food. Can you imagine the excitement that might have occurred in the local McDonalds?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Gay3 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 May 2017 at 9:02pm
Little Sam asked his dad for a bike for his b'day. He said "No son, the mortgage is 80k and ur mummy has just lost her job"
Next day Sam walked out, with his suitcase packed. His dad, asked "Where are you goin son?".. Sam replied, "I walked past ur bedroom lastnight and heard u say to mum, that your pullin out, she said to wait cos she was comin too, and i'm not staying here on my own with a 80k mortgage, and no bike..!!
Experience is something you gain a few minutes after you could have used it!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Whale Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 May 2017 at 9:05pm
Originally posted by Gay3 Gay3 wrote:

Little Sam asked his dad for a bike for his b'day. He said "No son, the mortgage is 80k and ur mummy has just lost her job"
Next day Sam walked out, with his suitcase packed. His dad, asked "Where are you goin son?".. Sam replied, "I walked past ur bedroom lastnight and heard u say to mum, that your pullin out, she said to wait cos she was comin too, and i'm not staying here on my own with a 80k mortgage, and no bike..!!


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 May 2017 at 11:51pm
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,


"Hello."

"Mrs Joyce, please."

Speaking."

"Mrs Joyce, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory.
 
When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a  biopsy from another Mr. Joyce arrived as well.


We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband and which one belongs to the other Mr Joyce.


Frankly, either way the results are not too good."

"Oh dear. What do you mean ?" Mrs Joyce asks nervously.

"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and  the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which."

"That's dreadful !! Can you do the test again ?" questioned Mrs. Joyce.

"Normally we can, but MEDICARE will only pay for these expensive  tests once. If we re-run the tests, you'll have to pay the $2,000."

"Well, we can't afford that, so what am I supposed to do now ?"

"Well, I've spoken to 'The MEDICARE Helpdesk' and they  recommend that you drop  Barnaby off somewhere in the middle of town.


If he manages to find his way home, then don't sleep with him
!!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 May 2017 at 11:53pm
Originally posted by Whale Whale wrote:

[QUOTE=Gay3]Little Sam asked his dad for a bike for his b'day. He said "No son, the mortgage is 80k and ur mummy has just lost her job"
Next day Sam walked out, with his suitcase packed. His dad, asked "Where are you goin son?".. Sam replied, "I walked past ur bedroom lastnight and heard u say to mum, that your pullin out, she said to wait cos she was comin too, and i'm not staying here on my own with a 80k mortgage, and no bike..!!


Image result for please explain[/


QUOTE]

LOL at you whale.     you are not that dumb.    and I know it Thumbs Up
animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 May 2017 at 11:54pm
A young Arab asks his father, "What is that weird hat you are wearing?"


The father said, "Why, it's a 'Chechia' because in the desert it protects our heads from the sun."

"And what is this type of clothing that you are wearing?" asked the young man.

"It's a 'Djbellah' because in the desert it is very hot and it protects the body." said the father.

The son asked, "And what about those ugly shoes on your feet?

His father replied, "These are 'Babouches", which keep us from burning our feet in the desert."

"Then tell me," added the boy.

"Yes, my son?"

"Why are you wearing all this gelati in Bradford?"



cid:39964B54072841199BCDBE46B63341E2@UserHP

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 May 2017 at 11:58pm
Life is not the way it's supposed to be - it's the way it is.

The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.

 

 


 


 


 

 


 

One

of Maxine 's very best!!



We need
to show more sympathy 
for these people.

*
They travel miles in the
heat.

*
They risk their lives crossing borders.


*
They don't get paid enough 
wages.
*
They do jobs that others won't do or are
afraid to do.

* 
They live in crowded

conditions among
people who

speak a different
language.

*

They rarely see their families, and they face adversity all day ~

every day.

*

I'm not
talking about illegals 
~ 
I'm talking about
our troops!


Doesn't it seem strange that so many are
willing to lavish all kinds

of social benefits on illegals,  but don't support our troops? 
Wouldn't it be great if we took the money we spend on illegals every year, and spent it on our troops!!! 


Please pass this on;
this is worth the

short time it takes!


A veteran is someone who,

at one point in their life,
wrote a blank check
made payable to Australia for any amount, up to

and including their life.


 

 


 


 


 


 


 


 


 



 


 


 


 

And that gave me the right to send this  to
anyone that I please!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

Virus-free. www.avast.com

 


animals before people.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 May 2017 at 12:02am
Oh bugga ,,,,that didnt come out right .  Sorry.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote acacia alba Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 May 2017 at 10:33pm

An Indian, a Black, a Muslim and an

 Australian were walking together on a

 beach when the Black stumbled over a

 bottle in the sand. He picked up the

 bottle, rubbed the sand off it,

 and........ a Genie appeared!

 

 "I can only grant four wishes," the

 Genie said. "Since there are four of

 you, you may have one wish apiece"

 

 Pointing at the Black, he said,

 "Since you found the bottle, you may have

 the first wish."

 The Black thought for a moment then

 said, "I wish for a fleet of ships so

 that I can gather all my people and

 take them back to our homeland."

 

 Poof! It was done! Thousands of

 ships appeared on the skyline.

 

 The Indian said, "I wish for enough

 aircraft to take all my peoples back to

 our homeland!"

 

 Poof! It was done! Row after row

 of aircraft filled the sky.

 

 The Muslim said, "I wish for a

 hundred thousand camels to take all of my

 people way from this horrible

 country loaded with infidels so we can live in

 peace in Muslim countries and serve

 the Prophet Allah."

 

 Poof! It was done! A hundred

 thousand camels suddenly appeared on the

 beach.

 

 Turning to the Australian, the Genie

 asked, "And what is your wish?"

 

 The Aussie watched as the loaded

 aircraft began moving toward the runway,

 then looked out to sea and watched

 the loaded ships sailing out into the

 sunset, then he looked at all of the

 Muslims getting on top of the camels

 and riding off.

 

 He said, "Look, just give me a cold

 beer. It really doesn't get any better

 than this!

 

 

 

 

 

  

 

 

 

animals before people.
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