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The World has gone MAD!

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Dr E View Drop Down
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    Posted: 21 Sep 2018 at 9:34pm
Where will it end!??Cry

Urgent Recall Ordered On Drought Relief After Struggling Farmer Finds Needle In A Haystack

In a new twist to what is being described by analysts as the biggest man made risk to Australian Agribusiness since the formation of the Australian Greens Party, hysteria has today ramped up as a Betoota Plains farmer discovered a needle in a haystack which had been delivered to his farm as part of the nation-wide drought relief campaign.

Police were called to the drought stricken Channel Country cattle station this morning when Anthony, a local 5th generation farmer, made the troubling discovery.

With the farm located squarely in a district that has been Drought Declared since July 2015, Anthony reckons it was just like any other typical morning.

“I had just returned on the bike from shooting dead our last 150 odd head of cattle, all of which probably hadn’t eaten since Easter, when the Today Show truck rolled up with a few bales of hay”

Flanked by his shoeless children and wife dressed in a stylish hessian sack, Anthony struggled to mask the jubilation he felt when he saw Dickie Wilkinson throw him a Bale from the back of the truck.

“It’s been a tough couple of years” explained Anthony.

“We are all doing it a little tough and we make cut backs where we can”, pointing to his childrens’ callused feet.

“I’m glad the government didn’t intervene years ago when we were just holding onto our decent standard of living, if that happened we may not have got these free bales of hay today!”

The jubilation quickly turned to shock and disbelief as Anthony felt a shooting pain in his right hand when he grabbed a bale from Dickie.

“I couldn’t believe it, I went to grab a bale from that old leatherman from the Today Show, and I pull my hand away to find a needle lodged right in it. Disgraceful”

Police were soon called and a crime scene established. They soon linked it to the worrying trend of needles being found in agricultural produce across the country.

Linguists are also reeling from the discovery, with new meaning given to the common idiom ‘like finding a needle in a haystack’.

Juark Pentbridge from the Australian Linguists Association has voiced his concern over the incident and the ramifications it will have on ordinary Australians.

“Usually to say something is like ‘finding a needle in a haystack’ is to imply though technically possible, there really is no chance of ever finding this particular object.This is now clearly not the case. Perhaps a phrase like ‘finding a sophisticated person in North Queensland’ would be more suited as a replacement.

More to come

https://www.betootaadvocate.com/headlines/urgent-recall-ordered-on-drought-relief-after-struggling-farmer-finds-needle-in-a-haystack/?goal=0_ac916ebeb2-870d396b1b-215844141&mc_cid=870d396b1b&mc_eid=1b8d058525

In reference to every post in the Trump thread ... "There may have been a tiny bit of license taken there" ... Ok, Thanks for the "heads up" PT!
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Carioca View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Carioca Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Sep 2018 at 9:43pm
I wonder what "prick" done that.
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Second Chance View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Second Chance Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Sep 2018 at 9:44pm
Was the author/journo attempting to be humorous in face of recent events?  Confused
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Passing Through Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Sep 2018 at 9:50pm
The drought relief wont be needed soon. Mr Morrison has requested prayers for the drought to end and for struggling farmers.

He and God have it sorted.Thumbs Up 

Prime Minister encourages Aussies to pray for farmers

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Softy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Softy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Sep 2018 at 10:45pm
Gotta love the Beetoota Advocate.
Always an amusing read.
I actually heard Mark Knight is going up there to do a bit of work.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Passing Through Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Sep 2018 at 10:50pm
They are doing an Australian live tour in November/December
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VOYAGER View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote VOYAGER Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Sep 2018 at 10:51pm
Watch out satire is racist, sexist and anti social.

This clearly an attack on all needles, claiming they are terrorising farmers and causing the governments, to stop all drought assistance efforts   
Remember, it might take intelligence to be smart , but it takes experience to be wise
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Magnolian Khan View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Magnolian Khan Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Sep 2018 at 11:02pm
Love this

Dick Wilkinson will do anything for a bit of air time
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Softy View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Softy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Sep 2018 at 11:24pm
And sorry I bypassed your prayers comment PT.
I can’t imagine who or what caused this. Imagine if the Muslims are praying for the drought to keep going. Who will win?
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Dr E View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dr E Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 Sep 2018 at 3:27pm
The ALP/Greens Collusion are producing an ad campaign featuring Bullgelati Bill with the call to action being;

"SAVE THE SEWING INDUSTRY ... BUY A NEEDLE TODAY!"Clown
In reference to every post in the Trump thread ... "There may have been a tiny bit of license taken there" ... Ok, Thanks for the "heads up" PT!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dr E Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Sep 2018 at 4:22am

Mike Baird Introduces Lock Out Laws At NAB


Former NSW Premier Mike Baird has wasted no time in his new role as National Australia Bank's chief customer officer.

 

He's announced drastic new lock out laws, never before seen in the banking industry.

 

"My first priority is to ease security concerns at our branches," he says. "The only way to do that is to reduce foot traffic at the most high risk times."

 

From next month, customers won't be able to enter NAB branches or use the bank's ATM's from 3.00pm each week day.

 

"The hour between 3pm and our branch closure time of 4pm is the highest risk time," says Baird. "This is when we see an influx of boisterous school students hanging out in and around our branches."

 

The controversial new laws have already drawn widespread criticism from consumer groups.

 

"This is a huge over-reaction," says Josie Kervis from Choice. "We believe the lock-out laws are actually being implemented to allow NAB branch staff to go home 60 minutes earlier than normal."

 

The lock out laws take effect on October 15.


https://www.doublebaytoday.com/single-post/2018/09/22/Mike-Baird-Introduces-Lock-Out-Laws-At-NAB

In reference to every post in the Trump thread ... "There may have been a tiny bit of license taken there" ... Ok, Thanks for the "heads up" PT!
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