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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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Macca,,,,,50 shades of grey was for you,,,you havnt commented,,,,where are you ??
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animals before people.
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Passing Through
Champion Joined: 09 Jan 2013 Location: At home Status: Offline Points: 79532 |
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Give a chimp an AK-47 Now that's a good idea |
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Baghdad Bob
Champion Joined: 10 Feb 2010 Location: Victoria Status: Offline Points: 13695 |
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A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he
settled in, he glanced up
and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the
plane. He soon realized she
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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Love it ! Every second bloke in Tennessee is called Bubba, even tho he is 60 years old and 200lbs of redneck , he is Bubba !!
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animals before people.
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maccamax
Champion Joined: 18 Jun 2010 Status: Offline Points: 41473 |
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AA..> Is a Redneck a man who abuses his 16 year old daughter for smoking at the dinner table .
In front of her 2 kids.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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Redneck , white socks, and blue ribbon beer. Bubba hunts with an automatic weapon with telescopic sights, and calls it sport when he manages to bag a poor old slow deer. He fishes for catfish and if he manages to land one without falling out of the boat, because he is blotto, and getting taken by a gator, he is a hero. He marries his missus when they are both 15. He knocks 5 kids out of her in 8 years. He loves his guns more than his family. He drives a huge pick up truck, with a small tinnie towed behind. He lives in a trailer park. He tunes his missus up once a week, wether she needs it or not. Pabst is his drink of choice, but he will take moonshine if his mate ( Bubba ) can get him some. He hates niggas, but he hates intelligent women even worse . His clothes of choice are daggy jeans with the arse out of them, hanging down below his crack, and a T shirt that wont stretch across his beer gut. And if his daughters cant run faster than him, they dont stay virgins for long. What else would you like to know about rednecks , then, Macca ??? |
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animals before people.
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Passing Through
Champion Joined: 09 Jan 2013 Location: At home Status: Offline Points: 79532 |
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Gay3
Moderator Group Joined: 19 Feb 2007 Location: Miners Rest Status: Offline Points: 52012 |
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A koala was sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint (as they do!) When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said, 'Hey Koala! What are you doing?' The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.' So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints. After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry' and that he was going to get a drink from the river. The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell into the river. A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side. Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?' The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he had been sitting with the koala in the tree, smoking a joint, but got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink.. The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint. The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey Koala!' So the koala looked down at him and said, 'kiss me.... How much water did you drink!?' |
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Wisdom has been chasing me but I've always outrun it!
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Fiddlesticks
Champion Joined: 31 Dec 2012 Status: Offline Points: 49975 |
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lol...that's pretty good I like that one..
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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animals before people.
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Baghdad Bob
Champion Joined: 10 Feb 2010 Location: Victoria Status: Offline Points: 13695 |
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A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Mary-Agnes, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with the tip of my finger." St. Peter says," Okay, dip the tip of your finger in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." St. Peter asks the next girl the same question, "Catherine, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?” The girl is a little reluctant but replies, "Well, once I fondled and stroked one." St. Peter says, "Okay, dip your whole hand in the Holy Water and pass through the gate." All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of girls. One girl is pushing her way to the front of the line. When she reaches the front, St. Peter says, "Agatha! What seems to be the rush?" The girl replies, "If I'm going to have to gargle that Holy Water, I want to do it before Brenda sticks her arse in it." |
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Gay3
Moderator Group Joined: 19 Feb 2007 Location: Miners Rest Status: Offline Points: 52012 |
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Naked man bends over to fix sink, and playful kitten decides to ruin his lifeI can't stop laughing! and cringing.... A traumatized man shares his story... "Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying. On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because the truth was just too darned humiliating," he shared on tickld. "I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. Initially, the new acquisition was no problem.
Then one morning, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. 'Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come reset it.' 'You know where the button is,' I protested through the shower pitter-patter and steam. 'Reset it yourself!' 'But I'm scared!' she persisted. 'What if it starts going and sucks me in?' There was a meaningful pause and then, 'C'mon, it'll only take you a second.' So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her behavior as extremely cowardly. Sighing loudly, I squatted down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, and without any respect to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs.
She had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise moment when I was most vulnerable, she lept at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed, with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and forcefully impeded my ascent. The impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Now there are not many things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics. Even worse, having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their hysterical laughter and not succeeding. Somehow I lived through it all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was."
Cats sure do keep us on our toes!
Note to all cat dads out there - your dangly man parts may look like a cool kitty toy for them to attack... so... FYI. |
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Wisdom has been chasing me but I've always outrun it!
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Gay3
Moderator Group Joined: 19 Feb 2007 Location: Miners Rest Status: Offline Points: 52012 |
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Wisdom has been chasing me but I've always outrun it!
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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animals before people.
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Dizzy
Premium Joined: 17 Sep 2013 Location: Canberra Status: Offline Points: 16863 |
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thanks AA.
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Carioca
Champion Joined: 13 Nov 2015 Status: Offline Points: 21830 |
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Ditto
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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Dizzy . I would like to post "the flag " but I am not that brave
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animals before people.
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Dizzy
Premium Joined: 17 Sep 2013 Location: Canberra Status: Offline Points: 16863 |
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Agree AA, I'm not that game either.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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Trump was visiting a primary school
in Orlando and visited a grade four class. They were in the
middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings.
The teacher asked Mr. Trump if he
would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious
Republican candidate asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy'. One little boy stood up and
offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field
and a tractor runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy." "No," said Trump,
"that would be an accident." A little girl raised her hand: "If
a school bus carrying 50 children drove off a cliff, killing everyone, that
would be a tragedy." The room went silent. No other
child volunteered. Trump searched the room. "Isn't there
someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" "Fantastic!" exclaimed
Trump, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a
tragedy?" |
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and
take without
forgetting. One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After
the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot
accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning,
there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his
door. Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to
pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm
doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left
the shop. The next morning when the barber went to open up, there
was a 'thank you ' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his
door. Then a Member of Parliament came in for a haircut, and
when he went to pay his bill , the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept
money from you. I'm doing community service this week. 'The Member of Parliament was very happy and left the shop. The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there
were a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free
haircut. And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental
difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run
it. |
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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We Was Brung Up Proper Many a true word spoken
in jest!!
No
virus found in this message.
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animals before people.
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Carioca
Champion Joined: 13 Nov 2015 Status: Offline Points: 21830 |
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Tell the kids today that,.and they would never believe you!..( with apologies to Monty Python)
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Gay3
Moderator Group Joined: 19 Feb 2007 Location: Miners Rest Status: Offline Points: 52012 |
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London cab driver's answer to a request from a Muslim to turn off the radio. (You just got to love the Brits.) The cab driver politely switched off the radio, stopped the cab and opened the door. The Arab Muslim asked him, "What are you doing?" The cabbie answered, "In the time of the prophet there were no taxis, so piss off and wait for a camel.." |
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Wisdom has been chasing me but I've always outrun it!
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maccamax
Champion Joined: 18 Jun 2010 Status: Offline Points: 41473 |
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Little
Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her
mother, "Frankie Brown showed me his willy today in the playground!"
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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Guy goes in
an adult store and asks for an inflatable doll. Guy
behind the counter says , 'Male or female?'Customer says
, 'Female.' Counter guy asks , 'Black or white?Customer says ,
'White.' Counter guy asks , 'Christian or Muslim?'Customer says , 'What the
hell does religion have to do with it?' Counter guy says , 'The Muslim one
blows itself up.' This one is for Macca |
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animals before people.
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Phazeal
Champion Joined: 05 Mar 2007 Status: Offline Points: 847 |
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This from Ninemsn a little while ago from some doctor in Queensland:
"So get this ... both Caitlin and Tom turned 30 yesterday. Born within 50 minutes of each other on 16/08/86. Guess who else now has a birthday on 16 August? YEP. Lucy was born yesterday after SPONTANEOUS labour on the same day as her parents! The chances of that happening are 1 in 48 million!" Read more at http://www.9news.com.au/national/2016/08/18/16/10/queensland-baby-girl-a-1-in-48-million-shot#fdDtK8yF7vWbacw2.99 I laughed so hard I thought it was well placed in a jokes thread. Aced medicine, failed math. |
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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Dear Airlines,
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animals before people.
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acacia alba
Champion Joined: 30 Oct 2010 Location: Hunter Valley Status: Offline Points: 41536 |
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NHL Hall of Fame broadcaster
speaking in Ontario, says......
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animals before people.
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